Loving-Kindness in the Face of Suffering of Others
Doug Powers: People are scared of the suffering of others. They can't take it. To be able to take people's suffering and engage in their suffering is very difficult. We have a hard time engaging with others suffering because we don't know how to deal with it.
You'll all learn that in the process of taking care of parents later on in life and problems that arise in family relationships. Being patient with suffering, not trying to do too much or too little, and being there in a skillful way, is a super profound practice. To be able to take suffering requires a tremendous amount of confidence, patience, and compassion. I can make a list of ten things that it takes a tremendous amount of.
That's why the Buddha didn't start with the Bodhisattva path in the Lotus Sutra. He started with “go hang out and enjoy your emptiness, but the only thing is I have to let you know at some point that this is just part of the way down a road”. He was too afraid to teach the Dharma of Bodhisattvas for exactly that reason—because nobody would do it. So he taught the Dharma of enjoying emptiness, which is a lot more fun and a lot more attainable. He then broke it to all of those men and women and they were pretty upset, and a bunch of them walked away. The older folks said, “It's too late for me, don't get me into this. The young folks can be Bodhisattvas and I'm going to stay in my shravaka, emptiness way.”
This is a big issue. It's not a small issue even in Dharma. It's too hard. You don't start by trying to teach people to be Bodhisattvas. They’ll be overwhelmed. They don't want suffering. You have enough suffering yourself, why do you want to take on somebody else's suffering?
As in every relationship, you're constantly trying to change the person suffering so you don't have to deal with it. “Well, you're not really that bad.” “Oh, can I help you?” Why is that? So you don't have to deal with it and they can be there for you in a positive, upbeat, smiling way. “This is a bummer, you used to be there for me and now you're in pain? And you're not there for me in that way?” You're trying to change the person to be okay so they'll give you the feedback that you need and appreciate, and in turn you try to take care of them in their suffering. That's difficult. Accept that a lot of times the suffering will continue and it’s suffering you cannot fix. You just have to hang in there.
